Let’s talk about a ghost!
Updated: Oct 5
As the veil between our world and the spirit world begins to thin I am feeling called to discuss a ghost that continues to haunt my yogic community. This month, October 6th marks 22 years since his passing. I am talking about Harbhajan Singh Puri most commonly known as Yogi Bhajan (YB). I am speaking through the lens of never meeting him personally. I have spent over 24 years practicing his brand of yoga and know him only through videos, written lectures and personal stories.
I began dabbling in yoga in the late 1990’s through DVD videos, Hatha books and a few community classes. Does anyone remember Rodney Yee? In the fall of 2002 I attended my first kundalini yoga class at my college campus. During that time in my life I was plagued by fear, anxiety, depression, PTSD and a false narrative of never being “good enough” or “worthy of good fortune”. I was desperately looking for a new way to exist in the world without numbing away or escaping from reality. Calm and Balance were foreign concepts to my mind, body and soul. I lingered in feeling stuck with heavy thoughts and drowning in sadness. After attending my first Kundalini Yoga class, I immediately felt some relief. I walked out a little bit more confident and a lot brighter energetically. Over all these years I can say with 100% certainty that this style of yoga has made me a stronger, healthier, happier and more balanced person.
The first time I heard of YB was when he died in 2004. My teacher whom I had been taking classes with for the past 2 years showed up one night full of grief due to the loss of her beloved teacher, YB. She spent the first part of class sharing his many accomplishments, legacy and some of her personal experiences with him. The trust and admiration she had for him was on full display. I always looked up to her as a strong, confident and radiant woman. She was my link in the golden chain. Noticing my commitment to the practice and curiosity about learning more, she suggested I take a Kundalini Yoga teacher training in 2008.
During my level one experience I learned more about YB through his transcribed lectures and video recordings they played during our weekends together. I was a little taken off guard by the reverence given to his videos. It felt strange to have him on such an energetic pedestal. Raised Catholic I had lots of questions! Why was YB so abrasive in his delivery? I am not in the business of being yelled at or talked down to. The teacher trainers explained his delivery as cultural differences, necessary method of provoking transformation or times were different back then. At one point we saw a video of YB giving a lecture in Sweden. I was almost shocked by how sweet and nice his delivery was. Immediately I was like, “why is he so nice to these people and so mean to those in California and New Mexico?” The answer I got didn’t quite make sense. I was told that he changed how he spoke depending on who he was speaking to and he was always very compassionate in person. So, I decided as any good student, to keep the Universal Spiritual Truths that resonated with me and throw out the useless rhetoric.
In 2016 I began my level two teacher training consisting of 5 modules and it took me until 2022 to finish. During this time, a lot happened!
2019 Premka, White Bird in a Golden Cage: My Life with Yoga Bhajan book was released. The first crack in his legacy.
2020 Covid shuts down the world. An Olive Branch, the complete report of all YB abuse allegations is released and it's worse than you thought.
2021 I graduate with my MEd in Art Therapy and we are celebrated virtually, while I sob by the computer screen. The Roots and Context of Kundalini Yoga as Taught by Yogi Bhajan research paper is released. (I highly recommend anyone curious about the validity of this man to read it!)
2020-2022 I spent less time teaching and practicing Kundalini Yoga due to Covid closures and the swirling controversy that had been unleashed. I began to embrace restorative yoga for my nervous system and sanity.
As 1 out of every 3 women understand from experience, sexual assault in any form is life altering and continues to trigger you decades after the incident. How could someone who taught truth as our seed mantra live a life full of lies? How could someone who preached on compassion, kindness, patience, tolerance and grace be so cruel to so many people? How could someone known for lifting up so many souls also crush so many over 30 years? How could the “yoga of awareness” leave so many people unaware of the abuse that was occurring at the very top of these organizations? How is it that so many men throughout all of history get drunk on power and prey on those most vulnerable in their communities? Many of YB original students, turned teacher trainers, began to offer statements seeking forgiveness for not knowing the truth until this point. Several others began turning their backs on the organizations all together.
Now 3HO (the healthy, happy, holy organization), which began in 1969 is seeing a huge decline in membership. KRI (the Kundalini Research Institute) established in 1972 is also struggling to grow. There is a prominent Psychism (a split in the organization)! One camp believes in the women who were brave enough to tell their stories of abuse. The other camp wants to push on without making sweeping changes to help everyone heal. How can you continue to celebrate and elevate a person who harmed so many?
Two quotes from YB that repeatedly come to mind are “Don’t love me, love the teachings” and “It is my mission that you become 10 times greater than me”. Perhaps this is the only way to move forward. Bring him back to a human level and let go of any and all idolizing of humans. Humans are not and never will be perfect. The higher we place someone on a pedestal the further they fall. Humility is the concept of not being above or below anyone, period. The word humility is derived from humus or “from the earth”. The Earth holds the power of creation and the power of destruction. The Earth carries me through the storms of life. It is that nurturing feminine energy that we all desperately need right now.
Currently, I am working on my level three teacher training. I am sad to see the program and community shrinking, but I understand why. We are fractured and left questioning everything. I would like to share with you a few quotes from the Roots and Context of Kundalini Yoga paper by Rob Zabel. “It is by flawed human beings that every tradition is carried into the present. All those systems that aim to reach and describe the ineffable are invariably tainted by human frailty and reshaped by worldly whims, consciously or unknowingly.” “In many ways it may be liberating for some to know that the tradition they have joined will continue to evolve along with the humans who practice it, while for others the loss of perfect faith in an ancient and immaculate lineage may render the entire practice useless.” I am choosing to stay committed to my level 3 because the mantras, breathing techniques, movements and vast wealth of kriyas continue to heal me. I find my calm center when engaged in the practice and want to be a light for others when they are stuck, like I was so many years ago.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. We must continue to support each other as we navigate our unknown future elevated by faith in our connection to all.
Sat Nam dear ones,
Jessica (Nav Jiwan Kaur)
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